Issue #20: Mind-reading and an epic bassline
Today marks the 20th issue! It’s interesting to see a creative endeavor evolve: this newsletter started as a 3-book recommendation that I sent out to just 5 people in a simple email list. It has since grown to over 50 subscribers and is now composed of reflections in this format: book+music+painting.
On to today’s write-up!
Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want by Nicholas Epley
I found this through Derek Sivers’ blog. The author uses a compelling combination of stories and data to solidify his point: that although it takes a lot of effort to understand the minds of others, it is worthwhile and even necessary to us as social human beings. Here he gives us some tools to do so, while debunking biases and beliefs about the mind in a polite and engaging way. To me, it’s a reminder that data and perspectives can always take one by surprise, and one needs a lot of humility to hear the implications and be willing to change.
I have highlights all over the book and will definitely go back to it. Here are some of my favorite points:
“Put yourself into the other person’s shoes. How would you feel?” - it’s well-meaning reminder to look out for the needs of others, but it’s terrible advice. As a thought exercise, the practice of imagining how another person thinks or feels actually distances us from reality, because we usually lean on stereotypes and forget to consider context. A better practice for finding out what a person feels is outright asking, that is, engaging in direct communication.
When it comes to written text (emails, social media posts), we cannot actually detect sarcasm. There is a severe disconnect between the writer’s intent and the reader’s interpretation, while studies show that both writers and readers of digital text predict that the other will interpret them accurately. This explains why these mediums are “such fertile ground for misunderstanding” and leave much room for both to be “amazed that the other side can be so stupid.”
There is more than meets the eye. We interpret and make judgments based on people’s behavior and outward expressions, but the experiences and emotions that are closer to reality are often unseen.
Following the above point, being vulnerable and open about our emotions can help us forge deep and healthy connections with others. The tragedy of being shy is not only that people mistake shy people’s anxiety for arrogance, but also that their anxiety can keep them away from open communication, and thus, happy relationships.
It’s a great read - in the words of Gen Z’s, 10/10 recommend.
Music of Note
Introducing Hey Barbara by IV of Spades, a Filipino band. With a disco/80s feel, it’s all in English, with a bassline so catchy that it snagged the attention of the bigtime Youtuber Davie504. Here’s a fun take on the bassline in a “bass battle” between Davie and IV of Spades’ Zild Benitez.
A Study in Watercolors
This photo I took doesn’t do justice: my series of micro-paintings (the first of which are here in this issue) includes what I like to call “sky-blue pink” (Thanks for the term, Junie B. Jones).
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Until next time!
-Isa